Archive for 'Only In The Philippines'

Darth Vader’s #2 In The Philippines

Darth Vader’s #2 In The Philippines

Today I felt like combining two of my favorite things:  Star Wars humor and ripping on the Philippines.  For those not living here you wouldn’t understand but the reality is “toilet paper” isn’t very popular here.  Instead they use a small plastic ladle called a tabo and a bucket of water:

iwebshitter

If they do have toilet paper you can’t put the used material in the toilet but instead have to put it ...

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OUCH!

OUCH!

So a week a ago I rode my motorcycle up to Subic to visit my wife and kids who were there on vacation. Once I got there I had what I THOUGHT was an ingrown hair on my right thigh. So as I normally do I “popped” it. Um, it got worse. WAY WORSE. Two days later it was as big around as a slice of pepperoni. That was the dark red, swollen part. Then another six inches or so ...

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I Miss Bologna Sandwiches!

I Miss Bologna Sandwiches!

Don’t know why tonight I’m in touch w/ my inner white-trash / redneck self but FUCK I wish I had a bologna sandwich.  The ingredients are so SIMPLE:

white_bread bologna
american_cheese mayo mustard

 

That’s it. ...

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56 Year Old Virgin, Dating Site Profile Won’t Help!

56 Year Old Virgin, Dating Site Profile Won’t Help!

So online dating sites send out emails on profiles that have viewed you.  Most of the time these profiles are totally fake.  This one came in my inbox and cracked me up:

56 Year Old Virgin

 

So much funny in this. First she’s 56? Right!   Next, OBVIOUSLY this is a fake profile and the site just uses a random selection of pre-written “phrases” to generate the email but couldn’t they segment it by ...

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Holy Black Jesus In My Yard!

Holy Black Jesus In My Yard!

There’s a Black Jesus in my yard!  No kidding!  I hear this blaring church music right outside my door. I go look and there’s like 150 people out there, a huge honking cross, and a parade float with a big black Jesus riding in it! WTF!?!  Apparently Holy Week is coming here in the Philippines and Friday night at 9PM is the time to start “celebrating” by doing night time parades blaring jeebus music with a negroid plaster savior on ...

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